all my skeletons: to all the boys i fucked before

i love halloween but november 1st always leaves me in shambles

my costume is off, eyeliner is smeared and fake tattoos are peeling off my itching arms

my annoying bitch of a neighbor blasting holiday tunes reminds me that i’ve spent yet another year pretending

every halloween i reinvent myself, each costume more elaborate than the last

altering myself to fit the mold of whatever i think he wants me to be

goth chick

innocent angel

dumb whore

until i’ve changed myself so many times, i no longer recognize myself

i look in the mirror, all i see is skin on bones

that stupid fucking face

who does she think she is?

she’s just a bitch who believes that meeting the right boy will save her

that someone would love her

that moving halfway around the world will change anything

i’ve murdered every version of myself that trusted too much

each one is stashed in my closet

eyes gaping, bones rotting

this year was meant to be different

but here i am once more with a blood stained knife in my hands

and my decomposing soul on the floor

happy halloween