A Confession

Three weeks.

I have three weeks left. Anne stared at the clock mounted on the hospital wall. The thin hospital blankets that covered her dying body only made her more aware of the chill that spread through her as she contemplated what she had been told an hour ago.

Ironically, in exactly twenty-one days, her baby girl was going to turn five years old. Little Angeline was going to blow out the candles on her birthday cake, not knowing that at the same time, her mother was taking her last breaths.

I won’t let that happen, Anne thought. I’m going to live. I’m going to watch my baby grow up. I can’t leave her. I’ll do whatever it takes.

She continued to stare at the ticking clock as if daring Time itself to take her away. The dying woman used the little strength that she had in her body to brace herself for the most agonizing three weeks of her life.

…

It was all my fault. I fucked up. Big time. As a new doctor, it was my first time delivering such terrible news to a patient, which added more stress to my already exhausted state. I rehearsed exactly what I was going to say a million times, picked up the wrong file, and walked into the wrong room.

The patient who had Stage 4 mesothelioma and three weeks left to live was named Anne Quincy. The woman who was now having a mental breakdown as a result of my screw-up was named Anne Qiuncy. She had a mild stomach ache.

After panicking in the bathroom for an hour, I decided that I would break the “good” news to Anne Qiuncy and her family the next day. If I told them that I messed up now, it would no doubt cause an uproar.

I was a coward. I was afraid to lose my job, so I waited.

I checked my watch.

11:45 PM. Eight hours. I’ll wait eight more hours.

Hang in there, Anne.

…

Anne’s husband, Elle who sat alone outside her hospital room, was also watching the time. In his mind, he heard Anne’s voice echoing the words, I’ll be gone soon. Please take care of Angeline.

“It’s not possible,” he whispered to no one in particular, “I can’t do this alone. So, please, don’t let her leave me.” He had never believed in God, but in this moment of helplessness, he closed his eyes and prayed earnestly.

But what he summoned was not an angel. In fact, it was worse than the devil, because when he opened his eyes, his sister stood before him.

“Hello, little brother,” she cooed. Her hair was a mess, she smelled like burnt herbs and she was wearing what looked like a moth-eaten curtain. Elle hadn’t seen her in months since she was banned from all family gatherings after she fed Angeline cupcakes that were peppered with cocaine.

“What are you doing here, Lilith?” he croaked.

“I’m visiting family. Anne and I are practically sisters, right?” she smirked a little. She loved seeing Elle in his fragile state. She held up a tattered book. The title read The Spirit’s Way to Salvation. “In fact, I think I’ll be able to offer some assistance in your time of need.”

“We don’t need you or your fucking cult,” Elle said through gritted teeth.

Lilith’s smile disappeared and her eyes hardened. “But it’s not really up to you now, is it? You never know. The Spirit’s Way could be Anne’s savior. Repent from your blasphemy and may the Souls guide you to Salvation.”

She shuffled away into Anne’s room, leaving Elle alone to face a beautifully terrifying feeling that Lilith had planted into his soul.

Hope.

…

Fortunately and unfortunately for Anne, the hands on the clock moved slowly. She had been watching them for the past twenty-seven minutes because she did not know what else she could do to prolong her life.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Like each beat of her heart, the seconds clacked by.

Except time will continue on. My heart won’t. She pushed the thought away, No I will live. I can’t-

“Hello, Anne,” a familiar voice purred.

Anne tried to sit up straighter in her bed. She was already fighting her own battle and did not expect to engage in another with…

“Lilith.”

“Aw, you don’t look happy to see me at all, Annie,” the sister-in-law joked.

“You drugged my daughter.”

Lilith laughed, “She seemed to enjoy it.”

Anne clenched her fists. She was exhausted but her rage helped her enunciate each word, “I want you to leave me alone. I trusted you when nobody else did. I gave you a chance but you put my family in danger. ”

Lilith’s face softened. “I know,” she said, “which is why I’m here to make it up to you.”

“What?” This was not the response Anne was expecting.

Lilith pulled out her copy of The Spirit’s Way to Salvation. “This book gave me the mental capacity to cope with my own problems. It saved me from my drug addictions and-”

“No, absolutely not. I’m not joining your weird religion.”

“Why not?”

“Give me one reason why I should.”

“Because you have nothing left to lose.”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Fine,” Anne sighed.

They opened the book and, finally, lost track of time.

…

Elle watched the two women bond over the fantasy that was The Spirit’s Way. He watched as the woman he loathed comforted the woman he loved in a way that he couldn’t.

And I watched Elle. From my office window, I felt everything.

The hope. The fear. The jealousy. The love.

The shame.

…

They read the book in one sitting and were only interrupted by the nurse who came in to do tests on Anne’s body.

“Close your eyes.” Lilith’s voice seemed far away and surprisingly soothing. Anne obeyed and felt as if the weight of the world rested on her eyelids.

“Do you see the Lord?”

“No.”

“Your body can only be saved if you can see the Lord. Do you see Him?”

Anne squeezed her eyes and stared at the darkness. She saw nothing.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

She looked harder. A speck of light flashed before her. A face?

“I see Him.”

“Good,” Lilith said, “Now confess your sins to Him.”

Anne began to mumble, “Dear Lord, please forgive me for all my sins. I-”

“Mrs. Qiuncy, it’s time to take your medicine,” the nurse chirped as she walked into the room. Elle trailed in behind her.

Tired of the interruptions, Lilith fumed, “Mrs. Qiuncy is no longer in need of medication. She has the Spirit’s Way. Now go on, Anne. Continue your confession.”

Elle grumbled, “Just let her have her medicine.”

“No! This is a test of her faith. Don’t fall for it, Anne!”

“You almost killed my daughter. I’ll be damned if Anne dies because of you!”

“I’m trying to save her!”

“Take the pills!”

“Confess!”

Tick. Tock.

They shouted at each other and at Anne, but didn’t seem to notice that the woman was trembling. Tears streaked down her face. All the noise rang in her ears and when it became too much to bear, she screamed.

“STOP!”

All eyes fell on her and she began to sob, gasping between words, “I don’t know what to believe anymore… And I know I’ve sinned in the past but… I just want to live. Is that too much to ask?”

Lilith smiled. “That was a beautiful confession, Annie. May the Souls guide you to Salvation.”

…

I heard the yelling from a distance, but when I walked into the room, it was eerily silent. Anne, her family, and the nurse all looked at me, waiting for my verdict.

Maybe I sensed the tension in the room. Maybe it was the way they all stared at me with fear and hope. Or maybe it was my own selfishness again, my own fear of punishment.

Whatever the reason, I missed my chance at redemption, because I never admitted my mistakes to the people I affected the most.

I cleared my throat and lied, “Mrs. Qiuncy, it seems that there must have been a misreading of the reports regarding your health. Based on the tests we took earlier this morning, you seem to be in a satisfactory state.”

The room exploded. Anne began to cry again, Elle looked bewildered, and Lilith repeated over and over, “The Lord saved you! You confessed and the Lord saved you!”

“The Lord saved me,” Anne echoed. “I owe my life to Him.”

“He saved you,” Elle whispered.

Lilith turned to me, “It’s a miracle! Doctor, isn’t it amazing what a confession can do?”

I tried to smile, not knowing what to say. I felt sweat beginning to form on my forehead. How long was I going to keep this secret?

…

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.